Time is not real. The separation between hours and numbers was made by us, so we can have some sense of control, also to make timing between each other easier. Sometimes we think we actually make things happen on time. Like there wasn’t a divine order already in place for us.
The day never rushes through us, we are rushing through it. The day just is. Giving it time is allowing ourselves not to run anymore.
Slow down. It’s OK. It’s winter.
We will always be here. Just not in the same form. We will change into more love, into more grace.
black, blur, circle, clair obscur, contemplation, cycle, dark, death, depressed, double, down, figure, flow, focus, glass, gold, human, interior, life, light, meditative state, mistery, moment, mood, morning, open, pattern, processing, reflection, room, rumination, shadow, sharp, silhouette, table, under, window
There is gold in the shadows.
bones, branches, cold, cosmos, deaf, Earth, energy, field, frail, frozen, howling, ice, invisible, joy, light, love, memeories, morning, mystery, paradox, plane, road, snowflake, stars, thought, travel, Universe, wind, winter
A time for every color of your past, the silence of what is too insignificant to last.
Woke up to the dry howling of the wind and thought about how we lost the sun again today. Cussed at the making of the Universe, the Earth and the cosmos, and the distance between the planets and the stars, this distance which makes it easier, or harder to go on, for us small creatures, …and at the frail making of my bones, which never loved cold, but which have always been loved by it. It found a space to thrive and dwell, to tell its stories once again. About how structures of this plane crack inside and lose their shape under its weight, how the light travels faster, the minutes grow longer, and love gets easier, because in these silent times there are not so many directions to take so easily anymore. “You’re not welcome here”. But the cold is always deaf.
Slowed down by the weight of my clothes and my thoughts, I roll my steps on the salty ice dust, to meet my brief destiny of today. The cold now sits on the branches of this plane, ruling the morning still, stretched like a thin, poisonous, invisible octopus over the trapped memories, inside the evidence of the past warm rays.
The road ahead changed overnight into a white mystery, a visual spectacle for an audience who will never get the pains that make it. A rare chance to experience the frozen energy field around each and every leaf, the trace of the blizzard stamped on the trees.
Eternal paradox of the snowflake melted by the very warmth of the joy it brings.
2 AM, 4 AM, advertising, bio, brain, Bucharest, business plan, Centrul Vechi, coffee, control, democracy, eco, empathy, facebook, feelings, gold, history, interests, land, leverage, Lipscani, loud, manipulation, masses, Monday, money, morning, music, natural, neighbors, organic, paradox, pause, play, profit, Proud Mary, Romania, Saturday, Save Rosia Montana, sleep, sleep deprivation, solution, spill, spiritual, Sunday, Tina Turner, toxic, zen
I was feeling bad for not getting into bed earlier. I drank some coffee, around a time I usually avoid to, to make sure I don’t end up in the situation I am now: it’s 2 AM and I’m not sleepy. If I would at least have the energy to do something productive… my battery is low. My brain though doesn’t know that and doesn’t care. Well, what can you do? It was a bad coffee craving. So I was laying in bed, thinking of all the things my brain interacted with in recent hours. Half of my Facebook friends posted pictures, videos and statuses related to the “Save Rosia Montana” street protest in Bucharest. Seeing all that made me think that we should also have that kind of protest in the actual spot where all the injustice is being done. I thought about how these things begin to happen, about politics and related interests, the leverage systems which direct the course of history, and about probably the most beautiful thing we ever had in this corner of the world – the fact that until recent years, nobody had spilled hundreds of toxic chemicals on our land. And we didn’t face a few other hundreds in the near future, or the years of regret that come with it. Dusty as they may be, these lands were the main source of integrity for its people. On this soil we have always grown organic, bio and eco foods and live stock, we didn’t need any fancy labels to tell us they were that. Now we do. Control, manipulation, money, the vicious circle driven by the pursuit of the almighty profit. I get the need for profit, I really do, it’s not the profit that bothers me, it’s just the way in which you choose to go after it. I understand that things such as feelings or empathy towards a mass of people you don’t know cannot fit into your business plan. I’m not gonna debate the role of the government or the paradox of democracy, or even the advertiser’s faith in matters like this. It’s impossible though, not to observe how this profit seems to annihilate any natural sense, or spiritual one for that matter. But when your profit means what is happening now in that place, maybe it’s a sign that you should press pause. And look for a real solution. Of course there is one, it just needs to be married with a bit of (good)will. As I was trying to chase away the mist of thoughts stirred by the wondering vapors of my late coffee, music starts playing somewhere on a floor below me. Really loud music. At 2 in the morning. For a second I thought it must be Saturday night. But it was Sunday on the calendar. Maybe they’re on their holiday too, like me. Well, not quite like me, since do to a recent decision I made, I am working during holidays also. So I have important stuff to do tomorrow, people rely on me. I’m kidding, it’s not that bad. It’s not their fault, but still, I’m not the only one living in this building. Should I knock on the heater? Not sure they will hear me. Maybe knock on their door, although I have no idea which flat the sound is coming from, I might wake up somebody else, unless they’re already up. “A, excuse me, hi, sorry to bother you, I like loud music too, it’s just that tomorrow I have to get up early… ” If they’re drunk, I don’t stand a chance. And it’s not just any music, it’s Tina Turner‘s “Proud Mary”. I was listening to it too a few day ago, but it wasn’t around this time. They must really like it, it’s the fourth time they’ve played it. From time to time, someone turns the volume down, like there’s a guy there going: “I remembered this is an apartment building, not a private villa”. OK, now we’re on to contemporary stuff: Rita Ora or something like that. Then they get to “Lemon Tree”. The joy. ”Everybody is looking for something!” yeah, like the neighbors looking for an extra pillow to put over their heads. Maybe they were at the protest today and felt like celebrating, who knows?
It’s good I got the idea of getting up and writing this, eases the frustration a little. I didn’t read all those zen books to get mad now over this. Now they got to the ballads playlist. The effects of that coffee is running out. Should I email them an article about the side effects of sleep deprivation? I don’t know which direction to take: bed – the optimist one, or ironing/painting/editing – the nobil, but unrealistic one? This is why you announce parties. I wasn’t prepared for this up-all-night-anyway thing. Folk hits, oldies but goldies. A bit undecided, aren’t we? Play, pause, play, pause, play, change the song, we don’t like it, pause again. Seems like there’s a debate before every choice. That’s good, they must be getting tired. I’ll go with the optimist choice for now.
I was in bed. Was. I though “Hit The Road Jack” is a good sign. It’s 20 minutes ’till 4 AM now. I feel like I’m on the second floor of a bar building down on Centrul Vechi, on Lipscani, or of any building there. ”Play that fuckin’ music”. No, no, No play. Thanks for a lovely Monday, guys!…
Versiunea în română: https://soulpatterns.wordpress.com/2013/09/02/sa-nu-ma-distrez-doar-eu/