30s, 32, Abraham, align, bacon, brain, Chakra, evening, food porn, happy, humna, intelligence, journal, low protein, meditation, moment, movies, nature, negative spiral, note, now, OBE, projecting, reality, relax, rhythms, self, spiritual, spring, sun, thought, toxic, update, winter
Be happy where you are now, with what you have.
This was a day with a spring scent. Information from the weekend still settling down in my brain. Didn’t get to make pancakes. But tomorrow is another day. Saw a few clips on OBE, got my Abraham fix and managed to make a short trip in the sun in the afternoon. I’m still trying to figure out who had this idea of us humans getting inside these opaque boxes for most of our day, in which little sunshine, little fresh air gets in… We miss the rhythms of the nature, in our eyes, and ears, and pores… but we don’t know it yet. OK, some of us do, but most still don’t unfortunately… Ate low in protein at breakfast and lunch, and by the time I got back home had extreme fantasies with some… you know… bacon. Then got them fulfilled. Then had my second quarter of glass of wine this year and saw a short movie. And just like that, my day is over. Not my day, but my fuel. This is what 32 feels like. How am I supposed to handle a boyfriend or a pet? My phone is kinda kinky. He says “touch to update google hangouts” and stuff… I don’t use more than half that crap. I’m afraid to “touch”. Lol. It might update things I didn’t even know existed before :)))) This is how you know you’re getting old. Faster than how people got old 30 years ago. So anyway, I started wishing for a lot of things, you know, that feeling you have when the day is almost over and you didn’t do much. At least I didn’t drop my bag in the mud, like I did on Friday. No more aftermath washing. And even though your body can’t take it, you still send the commands. That’s what got me into a two months in bed health issue this winter. So, yeah, adjustments time! And after your brain realizes it is not in shape for some proactive awesome proof of human intelligent capacity – I mean even that was kinda hard to write – it goes: “hey, how about a movie? It’s still some type of cultural act, or at least it could be, 10 years from now.” So I said to myself I can’t do this shit all the time. This projecting of what could have been is highly toxic and negative spiral inducing. So how about just being extremely happy with things exactly the way they are? After all not one moment has ever contained the perfect ingredients or perfect outcome. There are always seeds of improvement in anything that exists in our reality, and even the realities to which we measure our own. I think when that impeccable moment comes, all life will cease to exist. So maybe it was the wine, maybe all the spiritual practices I’ve been endeavoring in – including some chakra aligning – although I’m sure it was both, but I just decided to relax, let the usual feeling pass through me instead of resisting it, and got really grateful for all the wonderfully crappy and unbearably, food-porn-like-good things in my life. And I think I heard my brain say thank you. :)) Yes, our efforts should settle by the time the sun checks in on the other side of the planet. But we never seem to get that. Sometimes I have the feeling we race computers. What a sad specie we are.
But getting back to my initial thought stream… how can we be happy with more, tomorrow, if we don’t know how to be happy with what we have today? The Now contains everything we need. Every moment is another teacher of that. Ah! The taste of non-self-persecution!
This is probably one of my most journal-like posts since I started the blog. I wonder how will all this sound in the morning… I should make tea.
Yeah, this was supposed to be a short note. Better luck next time I guess.