30s, 32, Abraham, align, bacon, brain, Chakra, evening, food porn, happy, humna, intelligence, journal, low protein, meditation, moment, movies, nature, negative spiral, note, now, OBE, projecting, reality, relax, rhythms, self, spiritual, spring, sun, thought, toxic, update, winter
Be happy where you are now, with what you have.
This was a day with a spring scent. Information from the weekend still settling down in my brain. Didn’t get to make pancakes. But tomorrow is another day. Saw a few clips on OBE, got my Abraham fix and managed to make a short trip in the sun in the afternoon. I’m still trying to figure out who had this idea of us humans getting inside these opaque boxes for most of our day, in which little sunshine, little fresh air gets in… We miss the rhythms of the nature, in our eyes, and ears, and pores… but we don’t know it yet. OK, some of us do, but most still don’t unfortunately… Ate low in protein at breakfast and lunch, and by the time I got back home had extreme fantasies with some… you know… bacon. Then got them fulfilled. Then had my second quarter of glass of wine this year and saw a short movie. And just like that, my day is over. Not my day, but my fuel. This is what 32 feels like. How am I supposed to handle a boyfriend or a pet? My phone is kinda kinky. He says “touch to update google hangouts” and stuff… I don’t use more than half that crap. I’m afraid to “touch”. Lol. It might update things I didn’t even know existed before :)))) This is how you know you’re getting old. Faster than how people got old 30 years ago. So anyway, I started wishing for a lot of things, you know, that feeling you have when the day is almost over and you didn’t do much. At least I didn’t drop my bag in the mud, like I did on Friday. No more aftermath washing. And even though your body can’t take it, you still send the commands. That’s what got me into a two months in bed health issue this winter. So, yeah, adjustments time! And after your brain realizes it is not in shape for some proactive awesome proof of human intelligent capacity – I mean even that was kinda hard to write – it goes: “hey, how about a movie? It’s still some type of cultural act, or at least it could be, 10 years from now.” So I said to myself I can’t do this shit all the time. This projecting of what could have been is highly toxic and negative spiral inducing. So how about just being extremely happy with things exactly the way they are? After all not one moment has ever contained the perfect ingredients or perfect outcome. There are always seeds of improvement in anything that exists in our reality, and even the realities to which we measure our own. I think when that impeccable moment comes, all life will cease to exist. So maybe it was the wine, maybe all the spiritual practices I’ve been endeavoring in – including some chakra aligning – although I’m sure it was both, but I just decided to relax, let the usual feeling pass through me instead of resisting it, and got really grateful for all the wonderfully crappy and unbearably, food-porn-like-good things in my life. And I think I heard my brain say thank you. :)) Yes, our efforts should settle by the time the sun checks in on the other side of the planet. But we never seem to get that. Sometimes I have the feeling we race computers. What a sad specie we are.
But getting back to my initial thought stream… how can we be happy with more, tomorrow, if we don’t know how to be happy with what we have today? The Now contains everything we need. Every moment is another teacher of that. Ah! The taste of non-self-persecution!
This is probably one of my most journal-like posts since I started the blog. I wonder how will all this sound in the morning… I should make tea.
Yeah, this was supposed to be a short note. Better luck next time I guess.
2 AM, 4 AM, advertising, bio, brain, Bucharest, business plan, Centrul Vechi, coffee, control, democracy, eco, empathy, facebook, feelings, gold, history, interests, land, leverage, Lipscani, loud, manipulation, masses, Monday, money, morning, music, natural, neighbors, organic, paradox, pause, play, profit, Proud Mary, Romania, Saturday, Save Rosia Montana, sleep, sleep deprivation, solution, spill, spiritual, Sunday, Tina Turner, toxic, zen
I was feeling bad for not getting into bed earlier. I drank some coffee, around a time I usually avoid to, to make sure I don’t end up in the situation I am now: it’s 2 AM and I’m not sleepy. If I would at least have the energy to do something productive… my battery is low. My brain though doesn’t know that and doesn’t care. Well, what can you do? It was a bad coffee craving. So I was laying in bed, thinking of all the things my brain interacted with in recent hours. Half of my Facebook friends posted pictures, videos and statuses related to the “Save Rosia Montana” street protest in Bucharest. Seeing all that made me think that we should also have that kind of protest in the actual spot where all the injustice is being done. I thought about how these things begin to happen, about politics and related interests, the leverage systems which direct the course of history, and about probably the most beautiful thing we ever had in this corner of the world – the fact that until recent years, nobody had spilled hundreds of toxic chemicals on our land. And we didn’t face a few other hundreds in the near future, or the years of regret that come with it. Dusty as they may be, these lands were the main source of integrity for its people. On this soil we have always grown organic, bio and eco foods and live stock, we didn’t need any fancy labels to tell us they were that. Now we do. Control, manipulation, money, the vicious circle driven by the pursuit of the almighty profit. I get the need for profit, I really do, it’s not the profit that bothers me, it’s just the way in which you choose to go after it. I understand that things such as feelings or empathy towards a mass of people you don’t know cannot fit into your business plan. I’m not gonna debate the role of the government or the paradox of democracy, or even the advertiser’s faith in matters like this. It’s impossible though, not to observe how this profit seems to annihilate any natural sense, or spiritual one for that matter. But when your profit means what is happening now in that place, maybe it’s a sign that you should press pause. And look for a real solution. Of course there is one, it just needs to be married with a bit of (good)will. As I was trying to chase away the mist of thoughts stirred by the wondering vapors of my late coffee, music starts playing somewhere on a floor below me. Really loud music. At 2 in the morning. For a second I thought it must be Saturday night. But it was Sunday on the calendar. Maybe they’re on their holiday too, like me. Well, not quite like me, since do to a recent decision I made, I am working during holidays also. So I have important stuff to do tomorrow, people rely on me. I’m kidding, it’s not that bad. It’s not their fault, but still, I’m not the only one living in this building. Should I knock on the heater? Not sure they will hear me. Maybe knock on their door, although I have no idea which flat the sound is coming from, I might wake up somebody else, unless they’re already up. “A, excuse me, hi, sorry to bother you, I like loud music too, it’s just that tomorrow I have to get up early… ” If they’re drunk, I don’t stand a chance. And it’s not just any music, it’s Tina Turner‘s “Proud Mary”. I was listening to it too a few day ago, but it wasn’t around this time. They must really like it, it’s the fourth time they’ve played it. From time to time, someone turns the volume down, like there’s a guy there going: “I remembered this is an apartment building, not a private villa”. OK, now we’re on to contemporary stuff: Rita Ora or something like that. Then they get to “Lemon Tree”. The joy. ”Everybody is looking for something!” yeah, like the neighbors looking for an extra pillow to put over their heads. Maybe they were at the protest today and felt like celebrating, who knows?
It’s good I got the idea of getting up and writing this, eases the frustration a little. I didn’t read all those zen books to get mad now over this. Now they got to the ballads playlist. The effects of that coffee is running out. Should I email them an article about the side effects of sleep deprivation? I don’t know which direction to take: bed – the optimist one, or ironing/painting/editing – the nobil, but unrealistic one? This is why you announce parties. I wasn’t prepared for this up-all-night-anyway thing. Folk hits, oldies but goldies. A bit undecided, aren’t we? Play, pause, play, pause, play, change the song, we don’t like it, pause again. Seems like there’s a debate before every choice. That’s good, they must be getting tired. I’ll go with the optimist choice for now.
I was in bed. Was. I though “Hit The Road Jack” is a good sign. It’s 20 minutes ’till 4 AM now. I feel like I’m on the second floor of a bar building down on Centrul Vechi, on Lipscani, or of any building there. ”Play that fuckin’ music”. No, no, No play. Thanks for a lovely Monday, guys!…
Versiunea în română: https://soulpatterns.wordpress.com/2013/09/02/sa-nu-ma-distrez-doar-eu/